Seeking the Missing

So I lost something. To make matters worse, Moses needed it. As I frantically ransacked the house my prayer life went something like this, "Lord, I have been trying so hard to get organized. Truly organized. You know this doesn't come naturally for me. But I was making headway, so I thought. I have REALLY been trying because I know order honors you. You know where this is, PLEASE help me." What I wasn't so boldly saying, yet was thinking (*cringe*- here you'll see my sinful heart) "Come on, I have been working hard, spending myself for you. Can't you just come through for me with this? Make it show up? What's a girl got to do? Do I really have to waste my precious time on this?" Now you know I didn't really put it into words like that, but my heart was indeed murmuring.

Moses came in and prayed with me. Not so much that we would find the missing something, but that I would honor the Lord in the search. I was anxious about it. (There is another sin.) And being irritable with my children (I believe the biblical word for that sin is selfishness or perhaps anger). And then after praying with Moses, I realized this had nothing to do with finding the missing item and everything to do with my sanctification. Did I trust His goodness or not? I claim to trust Him with big things like my family's safety, my children's ultimate salvation, the finances we need, etc, but if I couldn't trust His good heart in something this small did I really trust Him at all. I began to really pay attention to and CONTROL my self-talk. Determined to only let truthful thoughts make it past the guard. My new thinking went something like this, "Joy, the Lord knows where this is and if you truly need it, it will show up in His timing. He is good and this is for your good and His Glory. In the meantime, your babies are watching to see if you are going to put your faith and words into actions." I asked my kiddos for forgiveness and began to treat them as I should. Then when time allowed I began to search thoroughly again (I say "when time allowed" because I had been neglecting other things to search). I chose a favorite, Christ-exalting hymn to sing and pretty soon was cleaning away, going through drawers that had been ignored for ages.

All of a sudden I realized that even though I hadn't found it. I was no longer worried and had actually enjoyed clearing out all that clutter I hadn't otherwise made time to go through yet. As that thought crossed my mind I found the Missing. I praised my Savior for helping me find it (for Moses needed it after all) but more so I praised Him for the work He did in me. I praised Him for the opportunity to recognize in the midst of it (rather than afterwards) the fact that I was failing a test (albeit a small one) and I praised Him for helping me turn it around. I know to call this a "trial" in the light of what so many people I know are going through would be ridiculous, and yet I know that these "little tests" matter too for they are the training ground for "big tests". You react as you train. Today was a training opportunity for me. Now I have 2 clean drawers too. Bonus.